Polygamy and Prostitution
Published August 27, 2009 @ 12:50PM PT
What do men who use prostitutes and polygamists have in common? According to Marci Hamilton, quite a lot. They are both populations of men who get away with raping, abusing, and degrading women, even in places where what they're doing is illegal. And like polygamists, johns are rarely prosecuted.
I've never really heard johns and polygamists compared in such stark terms, but I think Hamilton may be on to something. Both prostitution and polygamy reduce a woman to a commodity. In prostitution, a woman becomes an object, a tool for the pleasure of a man no more human than a sex toy. Because the transaction of prostitution is about money, (not mutual desire, affection or pleasure), it commodifies as woman's body and values it only as a means of male pleasure. In polygamy, a woman also becomes an object, though in this case a tool of reproduction, social status, and occasionally pleasure for a man. Polygamy, as is practiced in fundamentalist religious communities, values women as commodities- suppliers of children. They are just as much a machine designed to work for men as women in prostitution are.
Prostitution and polygamy are both symptomatic and catalystic of a fundamental gender inequality, where women are objectified and commodified without regard to their humanity or agency. And yet, the male perpetrators of both these crimes, the johns and the polygamist husbands, are rarely held accountable for their actions. I once worked on a case where a 40-something man was caught having sex with a 15-year-old girl, for whom he had paid $200. The police arrested the girl, put her in the back of the cop car, and brought her to jail. They told the man what he was doing was wrong, but let him drive away. When asked later why the cop let the john go, he replied,
"He had a wife, and I thought it would be bad to embarrass him like that."
Having sex with a kid should be embarrassing! It sould be a lot more embarrassing, in fact, it should result in an actual punishment. How are we afraid to embarass men who are engaging in prostitution, but we're not afraid to embarass the women and girls?
What interests me the most about the parallels between prostitution and polygamy is that many people who see prostitution as an opportunity for empowerment for women see polygamy as the opposite. In fact, I would argue the contrary. Prostitution and polygamy share more common values than dissimilar ones. Those values include a view of women as tools of men, female bodies as tradable commodities, and social superiority of men over women.
Photo credit: Jasonsager
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Comments (30)
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Amanda has been a full-time abolitionist for six years. During that time, she has created reports, documentaries and training materials on human trafficking in the United States and around the world.
But, while in some cases the things you are describing are tragic, there are cases where women most willingly engage in both polygamy and prostitution. I think you are painting with a very broad brush, and from what I've seen on this site, that is the norm.
Posted by Bill White on 08/27/2009 @ 01:27PM PT
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That is so true. I had to look again to make sure I wasn't reading Reverend Dobson.
Posted by Rev Bookburn on 08/27/2009 @ 03:43PM PT
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Well, it is a blog, not a PhD thesis.
Posted by Anemone Cerridwen on 08/27/2009 @ 06:28PM PT
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Broad Brush Bill? I see a spray gun. This is such an incredibly ridiculous leap, it is like trying to support the George Washington Bridge with rubber bands.
Posted by Mike Nichols on 09/09/2009 @ 11:04PM PT
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Hmm.. notice how the only people replying with opposition to this thread are men? Personally, I've thought polygamy and prostitution are in the same catagory for years. To the Author, Amanda Kloer: excellent article, and thank you for shedding some light on this subject.
Posted by Gin Green on 09/13/2009 @ 08:14AM PT
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You are, of course, entitled to your opinion Gin, but can you please explain your reasoning? I don't understand what prostitution and polygamy have in common. And it has nothing to do with the fact that I am a man. It has to do with the FACTS surrounding the two issues. Men PAY for a prostitute and then go to the priest in the morning and confess whereas polygamy is actually a Religious Belief and as such, is subject to the "Freedom of Religion" article of the Bill of Rights. No polygamist pays his wives for sex. Ever hear of that? So what exactly is your point? You may not agree with these things morally and that is your right as I stated earlier but to say that my opposition to tyranny is based on my gender is not only ignorant, but sexist as well.
Posted by Mike Nichols on 09/15/2009 @ 09:04PM PT
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I don't know what happened but the "Ever hear of that?" was supposed to go right after "Bill of Rights."
My apologies for the error.
Posted by Mike Nichols on 09/15/2009 @ 09:06PM PT
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I guess the writer is confused with two different subjects; prostitution and polygamy. She wrote very well and the subject is interesting, but lacking facts.
I think prostitution is evil and we all agree with that, also is a big sin. But, if a married man/woman commits adultery while his wife or her husband is at home and transfers serious viruses and germs he/she got from the prostitute or other man then is why it is prohibited and is very common in our society (we call it cheating!). Besides husbands and wifes, many people in our communities are having boyfriend or girlfried while they are commited to their partners, why? the wirter never talk about this problems. Because there is need! And to discuss this part it will take forever...
On the other hand, polygamy is a different case. It is mainly practiced in some countries and religions. It is against the western values and is a crime; but is a legal way of protecting the society from the chaos that the west suffers from. And we must see this very closely to understand it. Also, this is debatable and we cannot talk about it online, unless we open a dialogue to exchange views.
Posted by Muhyaddin Abdalla on 08/29/2009 @ 11:17AM PT
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Ok; I'm going to ask the obvious. What's the difference between a hiring a prostitute and having a mistress. GEEZ; Maybe we oughta outlaw that too. Come to think of it; why don't we outlaw vibrators. Maybe more women will be looking for a man to have sexual relations with. Sorry; I don't mean to be crass but you did raise an excellent point and it shows just how ludicrous Amanda's post is this week.
Posted by Mike Nichols on 09/09/2009 @ 10:59PM PT
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I'm going to agree with the other commentors here. Comparing the obvious evils of forcing a woman to sell her body to the practice of multiple marriage is, well... pretty ignorant.
Ms. Kloer is tying together some issues that are only related in that there is an expectation of sexual exchange in their language. Pedophilia, multiple marriage (or any marriage, for that matter), sexual slavery, and prostitution.
While I agree that selling people is capital W Wrong, sex with children is Wrong, and sexual slavery is clearly Wrong, assuming a religous community is a supportive and moral place that wouldn't allow such clearly defined evil under its auspices, multiple marriage simply doesn't fall under that category.
Stating an unfounded opinon that "In polygamy, a woman also becomes an object, though in this case a tool of reproduction, social status, and occasionally pleasure for a man," as fact is ludicrous. Arguing that somehow a man who marries more than one woman inherently values all women less than a man who marries once, and going as far as to put him on par with men who abuse their wives, pay for sex with children, etc., is not only insensitive and insulting, it is incoherent.
Being unable to understand the practice in our context should not render it incompatible with that context. As an institution, marriage (and certainly multiple marriage) was begun out of respect for women as the origin and protectors of life. It was there to protect women in times when they were subject to slavery and rape, not to exploit them. Of course, the powerful have learned to abuse the weak with immunity, yet many, arguably most, choose not to. In this way, multiple marriage is certainly not symptomatic of gender inequality.
This in mind, telling people how to live their religious lives is absolutely Wrong.
Posted by sarah karp on 08/29/2009 @ 04:17PM PT
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AMEN Sarah!! I certainly would not want anyone telling me how to live my religious life so I will not engage in telling anyone else how to live theirs. Great Point!
Posted by Mike Nichols on 09/09/2009 @ 10:51PM PT
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Sarah: I agree with you in that I have seen healthier families who are polyamorous (since polygamy is illegal here) that are healthier than "regular" marriages. However, I do feel that if a group is being mislead by those in charge of it (brainwashed, or whatever term one prefers to use) into thinking it is OK to force marriage on young women, or marry children off to old men, SOMEONE needs to step in and protect the innocent ones. I do not, however, feel that this article represented the masses properly and do find it a bit insulting to those who aren't the way the media loves to portay.
To Mike: Sometimes you have to if what they are doing is wrong...and before you go blowing that out of proportion. Let me state I DO NOT think polygamy is wrong. I think sects that allow children to be "married off" to pedophiles is wrong.
If everyone stuck their heads in a hole because they didn't feel they should tell anyone else how to live their lives, women being raped would still be hush hush, women wouldn't be able to work (even though their hubby died or ran off with someone else), slavery never would have ended in this country, my husband would have been killed for not marrying a good white Christian woman, I would have been lynched, and many other "good ol ways of life" would still be prevelant today. Thank God SOMEONE stuck their noses in other peoples' business when "their business" was destructive and inhumane.
Posted by R R on 09/14/2009 @ 08:32AM PT
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Hi Roxanne! First of all, I wasn't blowing anything out of proportion. I agree with you that certain things need to be brought to light so the guilty can be brought to justice. But there is a difference between busting into someone's home and dragging them off to jail or a lynch mob because they married a person of a different race, and tellling a woman she cannot do what she pleases with her own body. Yes; sometimes there IS brainwashing. But what about those times when there isn't? What about polygamy where the women are all willing and over 18 years of age? Brainwashing can be very hard to prove. What about a high end escort who is selling sex not through force, but of her own free will? Would you advocate telling her that someone needs to step in and stop her from earning a living AS SHE CHOOSES? There are fine lines and we must be careful not to cross them in our quest to save the innocent because if we do, we run the risk of trampling on the rights of others.
I apologize. I got very upset with some comments because they were sexist and I attacked. I am on your side believe it or not. Just don't tell me that the reason I am opposed to something is because of my gender, ok? I base my arguments on FACTS! I do not even care if I am responding to a male or a female. I have gone after guys on other sites with equal lividity. Thomas can vouch for that.
Posted by Mike Nichols on 09/15/2009 @ 09:17PM PT
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Personaly, I dont have a problem with either prostitution or polygamy although neither would be my preferred method of obtaining sexual pleasure or relationship fullfillment...
Still...I will say that anyone forced into either IS wrong and thats where we need to draw the line.
Let us not throw out the baby with the bath water.
Posted by Thomas McHugh on 09/04/2009 @ 06:49PM PT
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I wholeheartedly agree, but at the same time I have seen people come into clinics where the guy went out and decided not to wrap it (or to take it off so he "could really feel it") and there is now an STD and destroyed family, or an unwanted pregnancy.
To me, legalizing prostitution, for men, would be like having a kid in the candy store and saying to only have a little bit, and walking out to trust them to behave responsibly. Most will partake of everything he can in any way shape or form without regards for the end result.
Polygamy with CONSENTING ADULTS is the best option. Also, why is it that a polygamist who has not forced anyone nor commited pedophilia gets in trouble and goes to jail, but Joe-Schmoe can get 6 different women pregnant and nothing is expected of him except child support? Things that make you go hmm.
Posted by R R on 09/14/2009 @ 07:42AM PT
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"Also, why is it that a polygamist who has not forced anyone nor commited pedophilia gets in trouble and goes to jail, but Joe-Schmoe can get 6 different women pregnant and nothing is expected of him except child support? Things that make you go hmm."
HMmmm indeed! Not only did you make some excellent points here Roxanne, but you just made one of MY points for me. Thanks.
I disagree with you on legalizing prostitution however. Consider this. Prostitution is presently illegal. So is trafficking. So how do you separate the two in the eyes of law enforcement? You have to legalize one of them if you intend to eradicate the other. Because law enforcement officers are sworn to enforce the law; Period. Simply put; This means the trafficked must go to jail along with the traffickers. HMMmmm??? Fair? Not at all.
Posted by Mike Nichols on 09/15/2009 @ 09:24PM PT
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Miss raphael...
The example you cited would be better used to argue for teaching men to be more responsable rather than as an argument against polygamy or prostitution and such teachings have to start when us men are just entering into puberty.
Posted by Thomas McHugh on 09/29/2009 @ 12:03AM PT
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Sorry. You misunderstood me. If a man has more than one woman at home (and all are ok with it) there is really no need to look for a prostitute, who has been with random johns. Therefore, the liklihood that he would bring an STD or unwanted child from a mistress into the pic is very slim. I am FOR polygamy being legal.
Posted by R R on 09/30/2009 @ 05:40PM PT
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The problem is not with polygamy or prostitution inherently. The problem is that when women have as low a status as they currently have, both practices make women vulnerable. Women (as a group or as individuals) do not currently have enough social power to defend their autonomy in these systems.
I look forward to the day when women have a high enough status to enjoy both practices on an even playing field, selling and buying, and enjoying the polyandry end of polygamy.
Posted by Wholly Fool on 09/05/2009 @ 06:55PM PT
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Men who use prostitutes are not necessarily raping the women. It all depends on the situation. If a man purchases the services of a high end escort who is working in the sex industry OF HER OWN FREE WILL; it is not rape. Comparing the ultimately evil trafficking with either consensual prostitution or polygamy is utterly moronic. Neither compare with the scale of evil perpetrated by traffickers and I say again; Legalize CONSENSUAL prostitution and put a stop to trafficking. Keeping the two issues hopelessly tied together by the fact that both are illegal offers the victims of trafficking no hope for deliverance.
Posted by Mike Nichols on 09/09/2009 @ 10:50PM PT
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"In polygamy, a woman also becomes an object, though in this case a tool of reproduction, social status, and occasionally pleasure for a man"
You just contradicted yourself. BIG TIME!
Posted by Mike Nichols on 09/09/2009 @ 11:08PM PT
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As a Christian polygynist who, with my three ladies,
practices our polygyny in a manner that combines the way of modern Indian royalty, "APolyPrincessRemembers.htm" and urban blue collar Joe, "UrbanBlueCollarUSAPoly1009.html" of //groups.yahoo.com/group/PolyPolygamyPol
ygynyNJesus/files/ , I can assure you that my ladies see them as gifts from Jesus to be cherished, treasured, adored, enjoyed, celebrated and love gently, kindly, patiently and unselfishly. They are Treasures, not tools, with the social status of children of God and mothers of world changers, capable of giving and receiving incredibly wonderful pleasure.
Posted by Kileli Tyler on 11/06/2009 @ 06:46AM PT
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Christian polygamy = oxymoron. :)
Posted by Bill Powell on 11/06/2009 @ 07:14AM PT
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Technology and TIME has over powered the/our human brain- No matter what... There is a difference between man and women! There is a thing called positive and negitive- -Since and Forever! I want to believe that the difference is what makes the world go around... What we do is only learned from the religion or stuff we capture as a child? Don't Forget! Not everyone has a computer to see what's happening either!!!! just a thought
I have a question? Why do people get married? It is a ((((young Love)))) or Old people business transaction??????
Posted by Susan Dymanski on 09/10/2009 @ 09:44PM PT
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Although a response to this blog would take more than a little online blurb, the most offensive thing that immediately hit me is that the picture being used is of Mennonite women. The Mennonite community does not participate in ploygamy and this picture should be replaced immediately.
In addition, although I agree with quite a few points you (the author) have made, using this picture automatically discredited you and your abilities to make a cogent argument since you seemingly cannot distinguish between various conservative religious groups.
I admire your life committment to ending slavery and prostitution, so I encourage you to put more time into research before writing a blog so that your passion is not undermined by your lack of cited facts.
Posted by Laura Wald on 09/13/2009 @ 11:10AM PT
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Having been raised in a Baptist cult that practiced unexaminaned and patriarchal views of woman (and early childhood) as the authoritative province of certain predatory men and their less than godly einstincts, I find the exupulsionary and denial of polygymas and yes even justification for male justifaction of prostitution offensive and narcissitic. Most women who sell thier bodies, in my belief, do not know thier own worh or boundries or real needs. Usually that is inculcated at an early age. Brainwashing shall we say by yes men with a sense of privelege that far outweights their piece in this pie we call life.
I was abused in the Mormon temple in Salt Lake City. Believe it or not, it is true. But I was also inculcated from birth in a group of pediphiles devoted to creating sexual slavery throughout my life with the active participation of my father. I don't believe my story is that unusual, though not in any way common. Many women who become prostitutes do not know their own worth or even bear to acknowledge thier pedigree. Have compassion. Get over your self-justifiying need for immediate satisfaction and work for the solution, not some goddamn intellecutal justifaction of "choices." Have you ever read Freud? Have you ever done insigtful personal analysis. Get over your intellect and you sexual justifications and think of your humanity first.
Posted by Kathleen McClellan on 09/14/2009 @ 01:50AM PT
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Seconding Laura here -- why on earth do you have a picture of Mennonite women in a post on polygamy? That community has never, ever, *ever* endorsed polygamy. It's like illustrating a post on a local pig CAFO with a photo of Hasidic Jews.
Posted by Bill Powell on 09/14/2009 @ 07:23AM PT
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Hi Laura,
Thanks for pointing out that the women in the photo were Mennonite, a religious group which does not practice polygamy. The photo has been changed to be more accurate.
Amanda
Posted by Amanda Kloer on 09/16/2009 @ 12:57PM PT
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Some of the omments on this blog made me realize the need to respond in a bigger way because I had too much ro say. Human traffickng and prostitution are practically synonymous. The women are victims and consent is irrelevant. Sweden got it right. Coerced religious polygamy is comparable: if women submit to be "celestial" ... it means they are afraid of damnation if they don't, Consent out of fear for one's future - is not consent. It is coercion. Coercion negates consent. I explain this with facts and law on my blog: http://polygamyandtrafficking.com. Kudos again to Amanda Kloer. You are dead-on.
Posted by Dove With Wings on 10/28/2009 @ 05:45PM PT
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The girls are forced to marry the old men. They don't have a choice even if they didn't want to, they are brainwashed that this is their duty. What century are we living in?
Posted by Reta Krukowski on 11/15/2009 @ 11:09PM PT
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